Getting Bigger

During our last trip home, over the Christmas holidays, dad-to-be bought some adorable boxers at J.Crew only to realize later he had bought them in a size L instead of S. What a pity!

photo from here

It seemed like a waste of money until last weekend, when he spotted them in his drawer and handed them to me. "Here you go," he said triumphantly, "these will be really comfy for you!" Yes, folks, I am getting bigger. They're the most comfortable thing I've got right now. Weight gain in pregnancy general is a funny thing. It creeps up on you at first, and then bam! Big as a whale and loving it anyway because every time that little peanut kicks or flips or rolls it's the most amazing thing I've ever felt. Weight gain included, pregnancy is incredible!

Sickness Stress

image from www.pamf.org

Getting sick while pregnant is a scary thing. We are going to step outside of the realm of "pleasantries" here, so you've been forewarned! Yesterday I had a bit of diarrhea. Amazingly, I rationalized it and told myself it was my iron tablets, even though I had to send a child in my class home because of diarrhea and a low grade fever just a couple of days ago. Since then I've had a slightly rumbly tummy and felt really "off" somehow. I swiftly rationalized it was the heat, the muggy, sticky weather, the rain and so on and so forth. I felt tired and uncomfortable, but not really awful so in effect, I was still okay. But let's face it, at this point, I wanted a day off of work. I'm stressed and tired and the pregnancy is becoming more taxing, so I told myself I'd stay home today. But it felt like taking advantage somehow. So this morning when I got up, instead of staying home and resting, which I really should have done (because let's face it, I was having some symptoms that spell s-t-a-y h-o-m-e) I took a shower and decided to power through. 

Bad move.

I got to work and felt weird. I was slightly dizzy and the ground looked very far away and I couldn't stop sweating. We're talking serious sweat. It was actually visible on my upper lip and I had to keep mopping it off from there and from my brow. My goodness. I don't think I've ever sweat like that before. But do you know what? I kept on rationalizing! What on earth was I thinking? I told myself I was hot from the walk to work and the cappuccino I'd had with breakfast. Mind you, I have a cappuccino or coffee and walk to work every morning. Why was I ignoring everything? 

Well, I don't know what a contraction feels like, but I am familiar with lower back pain. However, I am not familiar with lower back pain that only lasts a minute or 90 seconds and then goes away and comes back half an hour later. So that's what did it for me. There I was, mopping my brow and upper lip, feeling hotter than ever before, with periodic back pain and my co-teacher said to me that I really didn't look good. Bingo! I didn't feel good either! 

At her urging, I went to my administrator and they told me to call the doctor, which I did and I go see the doctor in a couple hours and now I'm sitting with my feet up and a glass of water resting. I feel better already. The back pain has stopped. Miraculously I seem to have cooled down. I'm not sweating like a pig. 

Why do we do push ourselves? Do other moms-to-be feel guilty about pregnancy interfering with work obligations? How do you manage and take care of yourself?

Perfect Pregnancy Scent

photo from www.beautysnob.com

Dad-to-be bought me this perfume for my birthday last year. When I found out I was expecting, things started to smell so strange and bad that I didn't touch this bottle of perfume once until well into my second trimester. That was because a lovely set of Caldrea kitchen products I had brought back from the States after Christmas became absolutely revolting to me and I couldn't risk the same thing happening with this most cherished perfume.

Recently I started wearing it again and I'm happy to say it smells better than ever! It's light and fresh and bright and mysterious. I think best of all, I love thinking of dad-to-be picking it out and choosing something he knew I'd love. Every time I wear it I feel his love.  I truly adore it, and on hot, sticky days it is beyond refreshing. What an absolute delight!

Strange Cravings

This morning, completely out of the blue, I got the most intense craving for (get this!) a Fruit Roll Up and a big glass of ice water!

photos from thesweetestoccasion.com and healthylifenews.com

How weird is that?! And I never opt to have ice in my water. Must be this miserably muggy, hot weather we're having. 

Then another must-have-it craving swept over me: Chocolate covered gummy bears. Omgosh! YUM!

photo from quirkycali.com

They're so ugly, yet so cute at the same time!

Other mamas-to-be out there, what are you craving? Or maybe loving but never loved before?

Breastfeeding

photo from pregnancyandbaby.sheknows.com

I'm very passionate about breastfeeding. It's something I really look forward to and hope to be very successful at doing with my baby. I just read this article in the New York Times about the wonder of breast milk. I was inspired and horrified by the article. It's perfectly obvious that breastfeeding is natural and the most perfect food source for babies. On the other hand, it seems incredibly strange to me that people would want to give water to a baby. Water?! Babies don't drink water. Do they? 

After reading the article, I consulted two of the books I have about baby care. Dr. Spock and Montessori From the Start. I was disappointed to see that both books recommend water, fruit juice and even sugar water before six months of age. Tisk! Tisk! Come hell or high water, I'm going to breastfeed my baby exclusively for the first six months and continue breastfeeding until at least 18 months of age, maybe two years. I was breastfed until two, so it seems like a natural and normal thing to do to me.

It's no secret that breastfeeding can be difficult and frustrating for new mothers and babies, so I've taken the first step toward making sure I have adequate support during the initial adjustment period. I found the English-speaking La Leche League of Zurich. I will definitely be contacting them ahead of my due date and attending the September meeting before the baby comes. 

Hormones and Emotions

Last night dad-to-be and I were watching the BBC's Nature's Great Events. It's one of those beautiful nature programs that shows about animals. The episode we were watching was called, "The Great Feast" and it was amazing to watch. We got to see a baby sea lion being born and it was amazing to see how the mother reached around and pulled the pup out as the birthing finished and then lifted him to her nipple to feed. It made me a little teary eyed, I'll admit. 

Can you believe how adorable that pup is?
photo from bbc.co.uk

Then we got to see a baby humpback whale and its mother swimming all the way from Hawaii to Alaska to partake in The Great Feast. It was so touching to learn and see how the mother only swims as fast as her eight week old calf and especially how when the calf gets tired, she swims underneath him and supports him. Omgosh! That definitely made me tear up.

But then something awful happened. A great storm was brewing in the Pacific and the show took us back to the sea lions with their adorable little pups. Big waves started crashing onto the rocks on the coastline where the sea lions live. The mothers got protective and pulled the sweet little pups out of the water and tried to take them to higher ground. But the waves were coming too fast and too hard. The sweet little pup was overwhelmed and the mother was barking and trying to get to the pup. But then the pup got washed off the rock and into the water and I screamed, "NO!" with such passion I even shocked myself. The storm passed and the narrator said "...many survived, but not all were so lucky" as the mother lifted her limp pup off of the rocks. And I just couldn't help it, I started crying and I told dad-to-be "I can't watch this show anymore" and he looked over and saw me and was so concerned and quickly turned it off and gave me a big hug while I sobbed for that little seal pup and its mother. 

Just thinking about it now, I'm crying again. He was such a sweet little pup, such innocent eyes. He was so surprised when the waves came and swept him away. We had seen his birth and how his mother loved him so much. Then to see him dead and his devastated mother lifting him from the rocks. Oh, it's just so unfair! Dad-to-be held me and said, "Don't worry, our little pup will be okay" and I cried and cried and cried and got his t-shirt all teary. I love our little pup so much already and I couldn't bear seeing a fellow mother go through that. 

Today my out of control emotions continue. Not to such an extreme, but the hormones are still surging enough that when my blood glucose levels were perfect this morning and I didn't have to do the sugary drink test and all that, I cried then, too. It's so unbelievable to think of everything that is going on inside my body - the placenta, the baby growing, all of it happening naturally because of all the hormones. Pregnancy is such an incredible journey. It's definitely the most amazing thing I have ever done. 

Being in Control

I just read an article in the New York Times that had nothing to do with pregnancy, yet as I read the line "Fully embrace the vulnerability of the situation, I would never have gotten through it if I hadn't allowed people in" it really spoke to my pregnant self.  The article, 'You Look Great' and Other Lies, by Bruce Feiler is about people who are sick, really sick, and how to best be a friend or supportive to a sick friend or loved one in need. But it spoke to me for other reasons. 

I've been getting concerned about my prenatal care again, and yes, I've been reading the Lamaze book. While I do think that the Lamaze book will serve me well during labor and postpartum, it's making me a bit crazy during the pregnancy. Sadly, this is the exact opposite of the authors' intent, but that is how it's turning out, isn't it?

This week, I'm worried about the vaginal exam I have scheduled Monday, right on the heels of my glucose intolerance test. The Lamaze book is against both of these tests, citing studies and findings from the WHO and other organizations that suggest they neither help prevent problems nor protect mother or child. Furthermore, they suggest that invasive tests such as these cause stress and are more detrimental than they are good. Naturally, reading that made me start to question my doctor's practices and wonder if I should deny the test. In my heart of hearts, I sort of just figure, what the hell, why not have the tests? I feel so great and everything is going along so smoothly, I know the doctor will say, "Your pregnancy is perfect! Everything looks just perfect!" just like she has at every other appointment. And isn't there something to be said for having a doctor who feels informed and confident, thereby making me feel confident and proud at the same time?

The feeling that I must somehow "seize control" and "be in charge" comes up over and me at times like these and it doesn't feel good. That's why I loved the line in the article so much. "Fully embrace the vulnerability of the situation." Yes. Going into parenthood, pregnancy is just the beginning. I'll never be able to be in charge of my child's well being or seize control of his or her safety every minute of his or her precious life. I'll never be able to foresee every danger and sidestep every pitfall. I'm bound to make mistakes. I'm going to do the absolute best I can, but fretting over every potential danger in a world filled with so many everyday dangers will make me a frantic mother, a controlling mother, a nagging mother, but not a better mother. If I spend all of my time now worrying about ultrasounds, tests and vaginal exams now, I'll be positively obsessive over sunscreen ingredients and the like. I want to make informed choices and do the right things, but this overwhelming feeling of needing control makes me feel like I'm spiraling out of control.

So here's what I am going to do. Relax. On Monday, I will ask my doctor if the tests and ultrasounds are necessary, share my concerns and see what she says. When the baby comes along, I'm going to eat tons of healthy food so I can make the best milk possible, I'm going to follow the WHO's recommendations on vaccinations and vaccinate my child - not just for their safety, but for everyone else's. We're going to read together every single day. I'll wear the baby and we will take walks and I will talk to the baby and we will spend lots of time just being together. I'll use non-toxic reusable diapers, herbal diaper cream and an organic cloth wetted with warm water instead of wipes. The baby will not even see a TV until he or she is three years old. I'm going to love on that little critter like you wouldn't believe. 

With all that happening, I am confident that I will feel not only vulnerable, but humbled because life really is such a delicate, beautiful miracle. It doesn't need our control.