Getting Bigger

During our last trip home, over the Christmas holidays, dad-to-be bought some adorable boxers at J.Crew only to realize later he had bought them in a size L instead of S. What a pity!

photo from here

It seemed like a waste of money until last weekend, when he spotted them in his drawer and handed them to me. "Here you go," he said triumphantly, "these will be really comfy for you!" Yes, folks, I am getting bigger. They're the most comfortable thing I've got right now. Weight gain in pregnancy general is a funny thing. It creeps up on you at first, and then bam! Big as a whale and loving it anyway because every time that little peanut kicks or flips or rolls it's the most amazing thing I've ever felt. Weight gain included, pregnancy is incredible!

Sickness Stress

image from www.pamf.org

Getting sick while pregnant is a scary thing. We are going to step outside of the realm of "pleasantries" here, so you've been forewarned! Yesterday I had a bit of diarrhea. Amazingly, I rationalized it and told myself it was my iron tablets, even though I had to send a child in my class home because of diarrhea and a low grade fever just a couple of days ago. Since then I've had a slightly rumbly tummy and felt really "off" somehow. I swiftly rationalized it was the heat, the muggy, sticky weather, the rain and so on and so forth. I felt tired and uncomfortable, but not really awful so in effect, I was still okay. But let's face it, at this point, I wanted a day off of work. I'm stressed and tired and the pregnancy is becoming more taxing, so I told myself I'd stay home today. But it felt like taking advantage somehow. So this morning when I got up, instead of staying home and resting, which I really should have done (because let's face it, I was having some symptoms that spell s-t-a-y h-o-m-e) I took a shower and decided to power through. 

Bad move.

I got to work and felt weird. I was slightly dizzy and the ground looked very far away and I couldn't stop sweating. We're talking serious sweat. It was actually visible on my upper lip and I had to keep mopping it off from there and from my brow. My goodness. I don't think I've ever sweat like that before. But do you know what? I kept on rationalizing! What on earth was I thinking? I told myself I was hot from the walk to work and the cappuccino I'd had with breakfast. Mind you, I have a cappuccino or coffee and walk to work every morning. Why was I ignoring everything? 

Well, I don't know what a contraction feels like, but I am familiar with lower back pain. However, I am not familiar with lower back pain that only lasts a minute or 90 seconds and then goes away and comes back half an hour later. So that's what did it for me. There I was, mopping my brow and upper lip, feeling hotter than ever before, with periodic back pain and my co-teacher said to me that I really didn't look good. Bingo! I didn't feel good either! 

At her urging, I went to my administrator and they told me to call the doctor, which I did and I go see the doctor in a couple hours and now I'm sitting with my feet up and a glass of water resting. I feel better already. The back pain has stopped. Miraculously I seem to have cooled down. I'm not sweating like a pig. 

Why do we do push ourselves? Do other moms-to-be feel guilty about pregnancy interfering with work obligations? How do you manage and take care of yourself?

Perfect Pregnancy Scent

photo from www.beautysnob.com

Dad-to-be bought me this perfume for my birthday last year. When I found out I was expecting, things started to smell so strange and bad that I didn't touch this bottle of perfume once until well into my second trimester. That was because a lovely set of Caldrea kitchen products I had brought back from the States after Christmas became absolutely revolting to me and I couldn't risk the same thing happening with this most cherished perfume.

Recently I started wearing it again and I'm happy to say it smells better than ever! It's light and fresh and bright and mysterious. I think best of all, I love thinking of dad-to-be picking it out and choosing something he knew I'd love. Every time I wear it I feel his love.  I truly adore it, and on hot, sticky days it is beyond refreshing. What an absolute delight!

Strange Cravings

This morning, completely out of the blue, I got the most intense craving for (get this!) a Fruit Roll Up and a big glass of ice water!

photos from thesweetestoccasion.com and healthylifenews.com

How weird is that?! And I never opt to have ice in my water. Must be this miserably muggy, hot weather we're having. 

Then another must-have-it craving swept over me: Chocolate covered gummy bears. Omgosh! YUM!

photo from quirkycali.com

They're so ugly, yet so cute at the same time!

Other mamas-to-be out there, what are you craving? Or maybe loving but never loved before?

Breastfeeding

photo from pregnancyandbaby.sheknows.com

I'm very passionate about breastfeeding. It's something I really look forward to and hope to be very successful at doing with my baby. I just read this article in the New York Times about the wonder of breast milk. I was inspired and horrified by the article. It's perfectly obvious that breastfeeding is natural and the most perfect food source for babies. On the other hand, it seems incredibly strange to me that people would want to give water to a baby. Water?! Babies don't drink water. Do they? 

After reading the article, I consulted two of the books I have about baby care. Dr. Spock and Montessori From the Start. I was disappointed to see that both books recommend water, fruit juice and even sugar water before six months of age. Tisk! Tisk! Come hell or high water, I'm going to breastfeed my baby exclusively for the first six months and continue breastfeeding until at least 18 months of age, maybe two years. I was breastfed until two, so it seems like a natural and normal thing to do to me.

It's no secret that breastfeeding can be difficult and frustrating for new mothers and babies, so I've taken the first step toward making sure I have adequate support during the initial adjustment period. I found the English-speaking La Leche League of Zurich. I will definitely be contacting them ahead of my due date and attending the September meeting before the baby comes. 

Hormones and Emotions

Last night dad-to-be and I were watching the BBC's Nature's Great Events. It's one of those beautiful nature programs that shows about animals. The episode we were watching was called, "The Great Feast" and it was amazing to watch. We got to see a baby sea lion being born and it was amazing to see how the mother reached around and pulled the pup out as the birthing finished and then lifted him to her nipple to feed. It made me a little teary eyed, I'll admit. 

Can you believe how adorable that pup is?
photo from bbc.co.uk

Then we got to see a baby humpback whale and its mother swimming all the way from Hawaii to Alaska to partake in The Great Feast. It was so touching to learn and see how the mother only swims as fast as her eight week old calf and especially how when the calf gets tired, she swims underneath him and supports him. Omgosh! That definitely made me tear up.

But then something awful happened. A great storm was brewing in the Pacific and the show took us back to the sea lions with their adorable little pups. Big waves started crashing onto the rocks on the coastline where the sea lions live. The mothers got protective and pulled the sweet little pups out of the water and tried to take them to higher ground. But the waves were coming too fast and too hard. The sweet little pup was overwhelmed and the mother was barking and trying to get to the pup. But then the pup got washed off the rock and into the water and I screamed, "NO!" with such passion I even shocked myself. The storm passed and the narrator said "...many survived, but not all were so lucky" as the mother lifted her limp pup off of the rocks. And I just couldn't help it, I started crying and I told dad-to-be "I can't watch this show anymore" and he looked over and saw me and was so concerned and quickly turned it off and gave me a big hug while I sobbed for that little seal pup and its mother. 

Just thinking about it now, I'm crying again. He was such a sweet little pup, such innocent eyes. He was so surprised when the waves came and swept him away. We had seen his birth and how his mother loved him so much. Then to see him dead and his devastated mother lifting him from the rocks. Oh, it's just so unfair! Dad-to-be held me and said, "Don't worry, our little pup will be okay" and I cried and cried and cried and got his t-shirt all teary. I love our little pup so much already and I couldn't bear seeing a fellow mother go through that. 

Today my out of control emotions continue. Not to such an extreme, but the hormones are still surging enough that when my blood glucose levels were perfect this morning and I didn't have to do the sugary drink test and all that, I cried then, too. It's so unbelievable to think of everything that is going on inside my body - the placenta, the baby growing, all of it happening naturally because of all the hormones. Pregnancy is such an incredible journey. It's definitely the most amazing thing I have ever done. 

Being in Control

I just read an article in the New York Times that had nothing to do with pregnancy, yet as I read the line "Fully embrace the vulnerability of the situation, I would never have gotten through it if I hadn't allowed people in" it really spoke to my pregnant self.  The article, 'You Look Great' and Other Lies, by Bruce Feiler is about people who are sick, really sick, and how to best be a friend or supportive to a sick friend or loved one in need. But it spoke to me for other reasons. 

I've been getting concerned about my prenatal care again, and yes, I've been reading the Lamaze book. While I do think that the Lamaze book will serve me well during labor and postpartum, it's making me a bit crazy during the pregnancy. Sadly, this is the exact opposite of the authors' intent, but that is how it's turning out, isn't it?

This week, I'm worried about the vaginal exam I have scheduled Monday, right on the heels of my glucose intolerance test. The Lamaze book is against both of these tests, citing studies and findings from the WHO and other organizations that suggest they neither help prevent problems nor protect mother or child. Furthermore, they suggest that invasive tests such as these cause stress and are more detrimental than they are good. Naturally, reading that made me start to question my doctor's practices and wonder if I should deny the test. In my heart of hearts, I sort of just figure, what the hell, why not have the tests? I feel so great and everything is going along so smoothly, I know the doctor will say, "Your pregnancy is perfect! Everything looks just perfect!" just like she has at every other appointment. And isn't there something to be said for having a doctor who feels informed and confident, thereby making me feel confident and proud at the same time?

The feeling that I must somehow "seize control" and "be in charge" comes up over and me at times like these and it doesn't feel good. That's why I loved the line in the article so much. "Fully embrace the vulnerability of the situation." Yes. Going into parenthood, pregnancy is just the beginning. I'll never be able to be in charge of my child's well being or seize control of his or her safety every minute of his or her precious life. I'll never be able to foresee every danger and sidestep every pitfall. I'm bound to make mistakes. I'm going to do the absolute best I can, but fretting over every potential danger in a world filled with so many everyday dangers will make me a frantic mother, a controlling mother, a nagging mother, but not a better mother. If I spend all of my time now worrying about ultrasounds, tests and vaginal exams now, I'll be positively obsessive over sunscreen ingredients and the like. I want to make informed choices and do the right things, but this overwhelming feeling of needing control makes me feel like I'm spiraling out of control.

So here's what I am going to do. Relax. On Monday, I will ask my doctor if the tests and ultrasounds are necessary, share my concerns and see what she says. When the baby comes along, I'm going to eat tons of healthy food so I can make the best milk possible, I'm going to follow the WHO's recommendations on vaccinations and vaccinate my child - not just for their safety, but for everyone else's. We're going to read together every single day. I'll wear the baby and we will take walks and I will talk to the baby and we will spend lots of time just being together. I'll use non-toxic reusable diapers, herbal diaper cream and an organic cloth wetted with warm water instead of wipes. The baby will not even see a TV until he or she is three years old. I'm going to love on that little critter like you wouldn't believe. 

With all that happening, I am confident that I will feel not only vulnerable, but humbled because life really is such a delicate, beautiful miracle. It doesn't need our control.

Million Dollar Baby

I'd love to go nuts spending thousands and thousands on beautiful baby items. Here are a few of my most admired.

Clockwise from upper left:
Petit Bateau baby clothes, Dwell Studios Crib Bedding, Stokke Mini Crib,
Classic Baby Cup from Tiffany & Co., Stokke Care Changing Table, Baby China from Tiffany & Co.. 

I think it's wonderful to get a few special things, but thankfully the baby won't care that his or her crib came from IKEA! 

Life with a Pram

Although I love the Bugaboo Bee, it's a big investment to make on something we might end up disliking for one reason or another. So last week when I saw an older pram advertised for free, I decided to go pick it up and give it a whirl. I certainly learned a TON!

This is how you go up stairs when you have a pram with you and there is no elevator here in Switzerland. Now there's something I didn't know before yesterday. I always assumed these were for bicycles, but the two parallel tracks indicate the designers were thinking of mamas, too. Push hard and steady and keep it centered!

The newer trains are well-designed and it's easy to board and alight with a pram. In fact, it's a breeze!

The newer trains also have the ideal seating configuration for prams. An easy place to park it - and - you get to fold down the seat and sit with your baby! 

When boarding trams, it's important to watch out for older people with shopping trolleys. They're not afraid or embarrassed to push right past you and get a good seat near the tram parking area. Grrrr.

Thank God there was a pram parking space available. Otherwise I guess I would have had to wait for the next one!

I'm thinking it's going to be a good idea to measure this thing given it barely fit into the tram parking area. Don't forget the parking brake!

Being in the grocery store with a pram was no problem given its similarity to a shopping cart. The rack underneath is handy for a bag of groceries, but it wouldn't hold much more than that... On that note, I'm happy I purchased a messenger-bag-style diaper bag that I'll be able to hang over the push bar.

The older trains are not well-designed for prams. Here is the pram parked almost directly underneath the "NO PRAMS" sign. Oh no!

In addition, the older trains are poorly designed for boarding and alighting with a pram. Eeek!

Although Zurich is somewhat tricky to navigate with a pram I was happy to discover that every single time I got on or off a train, people either offered to help or just helped automatically. Thank you, folks! And, I discovered something else. It's perfectly okay to ram into ignorant teenagers who try to push past you to get in the gigantic revolving doors at the shopping center. Like I said, I certainly learned a lot!

Breastfeeding in Switzerland

The other day I got on the bus and noticed this poster. Surely it didn't say what my crude interpretation of the German thought it did? "Baby break forbidden. Don't breastfeed!"

No, it doesn't say that! It says, "Maternity leave is over, but not breastfeeding!" 

The poster is part of a campaign to promote awareness about the importance of breastfeeding for mother and child and to encourage women to continue with breastfeeding for at least six months, even if they return to work. 

I ran the website through Google translator so if you'd like to take a peek at what it says in English, you can do so here. Be forewarned, though. The translation still doesn't make much sense at times given the syntax is so different in German. For example, you'll always find the verb at the end of the sentence in German. As in "Ask for a room in which you undisturbed quiet, or - if this is not possible - pump out your milk can," which actually means, "Ask for a quiet room where you can nurse or pump undisturbed." No, that was not some weird reference to breasts as milk cans! 

I think it's really wonderful that breastfeeding is protected by law for working mothers in Switzerland.  It truly is the healthiest thing for everybody!

Stroller Lust

OMG. Who knew that a stroller could be so attractive? Typically, when I think of strollers, I think of clunky inconvenient and hideous contraptions designed to frustrate and humiliate mothers. Not anymore. Just look at the Bugaboo Bee. Isn't it beautiful? 

photo from bugaboo.com

When you don't have a car, the stroller is an extremely important purchase and I am so impressed with this stroller. It has everything we need for life in Zurich given that it's compact for getting on and off trams, buses, trains and boats; it's stylish (okay, that is a must for me wherever I'm living!); it's good from birth to three and it has a wide array of accessories for convenience and comfort during the different seasons.

Originally I thought we'd get all of the accessories in yellow. I think there is something about it being called a "Bee" that makes me lean toward having a yellow and black stroller. But then I purchased a very lovely Kate Spade Diaper Bag and decided that all black is much more my style. Let's face it, it matters to me what the stroller looks like, not the baby. So, we will be registering for the Sun Canopy, Baby Cocoon, Parasol and Foot Muff all in black. Then, in a few years when number two comes along and this little baby is big enough, we'll get the Wheeled Board and turn the Bee into a little family bus! In the meantime, what stroller would be complete without a cup holder for mom? They really did think of everything!

Remarks

It's insanely annoying when you're pregnant and everyone feels entitled to make obnoxious comments about your size. One week it's "Oh my God! You're so HUGE! When I was at that stage you could see nothing. NOTHING!" The next week someone says, "Are you sure you're pregnant? You're so tiny! Where is the baby?" Then of course there is the commonplace and entirely uninspired "Are you sure you're not having TWINS?!" Oldest pregnant lady jab in the book.

The fact is that I'm twenty weeks, so half way through this pregnancy, and I feel great. I'm getting lots of exercise and I've only gained 12 pounds. The huge comments are not only rude, they're incorrect. I love having dad-to-be to go home to each afternoon. His take on it? According to him they're just jealous because I look more wonderful everyday. Love that guy!

Was that a KICK?!

Being a very sensitive person by nature, I think I felt the first of my baby's flutters in week 16. This is definitely early for a first-time mom! At that time it felt like a goldfish. Like when you buy a goldfish and you're carrying it home in the plastic sac that's filled with water and the fish swims against the side of the bag. (bump) That's what it felt like. It would surely be easy to miss, but I happened to be lying in bed reading a book at the time and all was quiet and relaxed. Over the next few days I noticed it again during times when I was quiet and relaxed and in the same position for a while. Then it shifted and I felt more of a tug. Now this week, I finally feel what seems like kicking!

photo from johnchungtaekwondo.com

Okay, maybe not that extreme! But certainly more kick-like feelings than the twinges and bumps from before. Sometimes it's on one point, sometimes it pulls across my lower abdomen. Every time it's exciting! Next I'm looking forward to dad-to-be being able to feel it, too. From what I hear, the kicks get pretty feisty as the weeks go on. Will we have a little karate kid?

Zurich Bumps

I've been feeling really homesick and sorry for myself lately. So I decided to quit moping and do something about it. This Thursday I'm meeting at a little place called Cakefriends with 9 other pregnant ladies to gab about all things pregnancy - and eat cake!

photo from cakefriends.ch

Doesn't Cakefriends look adorable? I seriously cannot wait for this. Last weekend I was out with some girlfriends and I realized that pregnancy is the only thing on my mind these days. I'm completely absorbed in gestating!

You may be wondering how I came to find nine other English-speaking pregnant ladies right here in Zurich. That is the beauty of the internet. The English Forum Switzerland has been an invaluable resource for me since we decided to make the move to Zurich. It's filled with useful information such as what Sudafed is called in Switzerland, where to buy jalapeños, what Swiss Chard is called in Switzerland, and so on and so forth. I did a search for "pregnant meet-up" and an old thread from 2009 popped up in the results. Rather than wait around for someone else to do it, I bumped the thread and suggested a current meet-up for pregnant ladies. The response was fabulous. It turns out there are lots of other "bumps" in Zurich who want to meet other gals who are in the same boat. Now I'm feeling very proactive and happy. I can't wait to make some new friends and have other bumps in my life! 

To Work or Not to Work?

Making the decision of how much maternity leave to take is a tough one. I am eternally grateful that I have choices in the matter, but it still isn't easy. Among the factors to consider are finances, boredom from not having a life outside of the home, stress from having commitments outside of the home and last but certainly not least, what is best for the baby.

Most days I think that being a stay-at-home mom sounds like the greatest thing in the world. But some days I wonder if I might really appreciate having a job and getting out of the house as a mother. It's true that I love being at home, having a clean apartment, organizing, baking, cooking from scratch and folding lovely smelling piles of laundry. I love the domestic life, but maybe it's something I appreciate because when I find the time for it, it's a change of pace and not something I'm doing all the time. It could be isolating being at home all day with the baby. I've spoken to a lot of women who say that after six months they were starting to feel a little stir crazy and that at that point, the baby is ready to interact with other babies and be social, so it's perfect for mom and baby if mom can work part-time. But I've also spoken with women who say that six months is when the baby becomes so enchanting and amazing and they can't imagine possibly missing one hour of the day. Talk about high stakes!

I'm struggling with this because I always thought I would stay at home as much and as long as possible. But now that I find myself as a foreigner in a strange land with a work permit that is connected to my employer, I'm hesitant to give up my position for fear that another one might not come along at the right time. Taking a full year would not be a problem, until the year were over. We can maintain a reasonable standard of living if we stretch my maternity pay out over a year, but then if I didn't get a job and we found ourselves living off of dad-to-be's income only, it would be, in my opinion, tight and rather uncomfortable. That is not something I want to risk, but at the same time, it's hard to say whether or not I'd have any difficulty finding a job when I was ready for one. Another big financial consideration is that I get a 50% discount on childcare at my current position. This is a major consideration because childcare prices in Switzerland are on par with private university tuition in the US. You think I'm exaggerating? The going rate in the Zurich area is 2000 CHF per month for half-day care between 7:30 am and 1:30 pm Monday through Friday and 3000 CHF per month for full-day care 7:30 am - 5:30 pm Monday through Friday. It is a huge benefit to have a 50% break on that absurdly significant cost. What's more, my baby would be in care on-site and Swiss law says I can breastfeed at any time during my shift. The bottom line is this: financially, it makes sense to take only six months leave and then go back to work part-time.

But money isn't everything and I don't feel fully confident leaving my six-month old baby in daycare. I know the nursery staff at my company and I know they're running a quality program and yet it still seems wrong to leave my baby in their care. My own background in child development and education says it's wrong and research and experts' opinions say it's wrong, too. This article from The Sunday Times states very clearly that a recent Unicef study has concluded that "all children should where possible be cared for by parents at home during the first 12 months of life" and calls doing otherwise a "high-stakes gamble." Because the first year of life is a time when the baby is trying to establish a one-on-one connection with their parents and caregivers, day care, even good day care is tough. Within day cares there is turnover of staff, and day to day there is the rotation of the staff. So the poor baby who wants to connect one-on-one is presented with an ever changing merry go round of faces and probably winds up feeling very alone. Before getting pregnant, I would have agreed with the article and put down my vote for no day care. As a pregnant woman, my heart is still voting no day care before 12 months, but my mind is concerned with pragmatics. 

What will I do? Will I be missing out on my child's development if I go back to work part-time? Will I be depriving my child by putting him or her in day care? I hope not. My current idea is that I will work Monday through Thursday 7:45 am to 1:00 pm and have Fridays off. I hope that the baby will take a morning nap and that by the time we go home together at one o'clock, we will still have the chance to enjoy each other's company during the afternoon. I like to think that we'll come home, read a few books together, have a little nap and then maybe go for a walk and do some grocery shopping or do a little gardening on the balcony and some baking. Or maybe it will work out for me to work in the afternoons instead of the morning. The truth is I want to make the right decision financially, for my own self, for the lifestyle and comfort of our family and for the baby's well being. As per usual with me, that is a tall order!

Pregnancy Glow...And Itching!

By far, the changes in my skin are one of my favorite parts of pregnancy. Likewise, they're one of the worst! Pregnancy has made my face smooth, glowing and radiant. It's also made my back and tummy really dry and itchy! But, to the rescue we have the amazing Louis Widmer Remederm Body Cream. 

photo from fruugo.com

I discovered this heavenly cream because there are various samples and pamphlets at the little desk where the nurse takes my blood pressure and tests my hemoglobin count at each appointment. I took a little tube of this stuff, tried it, marveled at the gorgeous subtle scent and creamy hydrating qualities and then saw that it was Swiss made and sadly assumed it was way too expensive to ever consider buying.

But, curiosity tends to get the best of us, doesn't it? I popped into the pharmacy today and had a peek, you know, just for kicks. Much to my surprise - and delight - a big 250 ml jar of this to die for cream is only 40 CHF. The word "only" may sound out of place in that sentence to those of you not living in Switzerland. But, for those of you who do live here, can you believe it? Swiss quality - in that quantity - at that price? I bought a jar on the spot and I can't wait to have dad-to-be rub it all over my itchy belly and back after my shower this evening. Hurrah!

Prenatal Yoga & Exercise

I want to be as healthy and toned as can be going into labor and naturally the best way to make that happen is through prenatal yoga and exercise. I feel fortunate that I have no car and walk 15 minutes back and forth to work each day. I'm also thankful that my walk to work is uphill half way for added benefit. Walking is wonderful, but not enough, so I started looking for a prenatal yoga class. I found one, but this being Switzerland, I can only afford to go once a week! Enter the Prenatal Yoga DVD. Thanks to Amazon, I now have three prenatal exercise DVDs. One yoga, one pilates and one "workout" whatever that means.

photo from amazon.com

Today I tried out the Prenatal & Postnatal Yoga with Elena Brower and I really enjoyed it. It's about thirty minutes long and provides a nice, relaxing and just challenging enough yoga sequence. Afterward, I felt refreshed and limber and more open. I will definitely get a lot of use out of this DVD during my pregnancy, and then afterward, I am happy to know I'll have the Postnatal sequence to help my body back to strength following delivery. Over the next couple of weeks, I'll report back on the other two DVDs. I guess not being able to afford the yoga class more often isn't so bad after all!

Boy? Girl? Surprise?

Initially dad-to-be wanted to find out if our baby was a boy or a girl and I wanted to wait and have it be a surprise at the birth. This is hilarious because I hate surprises and dad-to-be is a fan. Go figure! 

Adorable gender neutral onsies from Baby Gap.
photo from www.gap.com, click to see more

Then, after becoming freaked out and obsessed with the perils of ultrasounds, we decided that we should forego any further ultrasounds, and therefore find out the baby's gender at the birth. Of course, then we calmed down about the ultrasounds and it became a question once again. I started to wonder if it would be better to know. You know, for decorating, for preparing myself as a mom-to-be for the baby and so people could buy gender specific gifts. As luck would have it, dad-to-be found himself completely on the side of waiting, because it can be a powerful motivator to get through labor and the birth announcement is that much more exciting when you can declare boy or girl and not just "born." So once again we weren't really sure what to do...

We have decided to WAIT! Everyone we've talked to who waited said it's the most exhilarating thing to deliver the baby and hear the doctor declare, "It's a _______!!!." Our doula said it's magical because all through the pregnancy you're wondering what it will be like to have a boy, what type of mother you'll be to a boy, or what it will be like to have a girl and how it would be different and then, she said, when the baby is born and you hold it and see it, none of that matters because it's your baby and you love it so much words can't even describe. Now that sounds incredible!

Bun in the Oven

A friend of mine believes that when women get pregnant they become better at baking somehow. I have to say I completely agree. Since discovering the little bun in my oven, I've been overwhelmed with the desire to bake things. The other night, I saw a few overripe bananas on the counter, flipped open my America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook and whipped up the most delicious loaf of banana bread I've ever tasted. No kidding! A week later, I got the inspiration to make Bran Muffins and they were equally wonderful. Just last weekend, for dad-to-be's birthday, I made cupcakes from scratch (as in not from a box) for the very first time. How did they turn out? Beyond perfection. Really. Moist, chewy, chocolatey perfection.

While cupcake making is not the healthiest hobby for a pregnant woman to discover - it took a lot of will power to put that cupcake back after photographing it - I really do think I've found my calling. Seriously! I'm now dreaming of opening my own cupcake shop when we move back to the US. Like cooking, baking is pure enjoyment for me. I lose track of time (not while anything is in the oven, of course!) get in the zone and become absorbed in the wonderfully satisfying task at hand. It's pure flow. Unlike cooking, baking is sweet and adorable, too! What's not to love? 

Natural Birth...Natural Pregnancy.

I've grown up hearing the birth and postpartum stories of my mother, her mother and more recently, my sister. Natural birth is highly revered among my family and I've always dreamed of having a natural birth with my own children someday. Of course, birth is unpredictable and cannot be planned rigidly, but having a goal is a positive thing and to that end I've purchased many books and DVDs and will start prenatal yoga in week 16.

So far, my favorite pregnancy book is The Official Lamaze Guide. Lamaze isn't just about breathing techniques anymore, it's about gaining confidence and learning to trust your body throughout pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period. 

image from lamaze.org

As I read more and more of the book, I've come to understand how important it is to gain confidence throughout pregnancy and how much the approach and schedule of prenatal care can affect that. To be honest, after our "end of first trimester scan" I was so relieved I felt a major letdown of stress I had been shouldering. It was a shock to my system and I and came down with a nasty stomach virus a few days later. The period leading up to "the scan" wasn't any better. I didn't sleep a wink the night before because I was so afraid. I had no idea what I would do if the doctor were to tell me the baby showed signs of Down syndrome, or that there were a limb missing or a heart problem, or no heartbeat at all! I was terrified.

Initially, I was euphoric with relief following the scan. Then I started dreading the next check, or as it seemed to me, hunt for problems. Worrying that much made the pregnancy less enjoyable. I felt I should restrain my joy and happiness in case something went wrong. I didn't even feel like posting on this blog anymore. There's something not right about that.

Looking through (and translating) the rest of my doctor's prenatal control schedule, I realized there are many, many more ultrasounds scheduled, a vaginal exam in week 27 and a cervical ultrasound to assess risk for early delivery around the same time. For someone as young as I am and in excellent health, it seems absolutely unnecessary to do all that. As much as I enjoyed seeing the baby on the ultrasounds, it is a fact that the safety of ultrasounds hasn't been proven conclusively. And unless there is a serious medical indication, I can't see any reason to go prodding around inside a pregnant woman. That seems like asking for infection or early labor, not preventing it. 

When I changed doctors recently, I did so for a number of reasons. One reason was time. To get to the old doctor's office was 45 minutes each way on the train and tram. Now it's just a ten minute walk. But the main reason I switched doctors was because I wanted a natural birth. Now I am starting to think that the best way to have a natural birth is to have a natural pregnancy. I don't feel confident or in control when everything is external and reliant on some technology or test. Having such a medically managed pregnancy doesn't help me trust my body; it makes me feel my body needs help from technology. 

This week dad-to-be and I are visiting a midwife a friend recommended. It turns out that we can have the midwife and the doctor and at our appointment, the midwife will explain how we divide the check-ups between the two. I'm looking forward to learning more about this. I want to keep my doctor and deliver at Klinik Im Park so I can enjoy the five-star hotel treatment during the stay after the birth. Klinik Im Park is also less then 1 kilometer away from dad-to-be's workplace, so it really is ideal. I just need to find a way to make the process of pregnancy reflect my birth plan. The truth is that I do trust my body. I can feel the pregnancy progressing naturally and with ease. I can tell that the baby is so happy in there and that there is nothing wrong or to worry about. I feel good and unless there is some medical indication or I don't feel good, I don't see any reason to monitor beyond blood pressure, urine and listening to the baby's heartbeat. 

So, at my next appointment I'm going to tell the doctor I want a natural pregnancy and I'm going to explain why. I hope she will like that idea.